Heavy Things

Here we go, Chilly. I would have gotten it up earlier, but I had to go get me one of them G-Vegas toe manicures. Then I forgot to take my socks off. It's been one of those days. I've been eating Ho-Ho's constantly for the last few days, and the transition to The Vodka and Toast Diet (note to self: may need a more appealing name) has left my metabolism a little shaky.That's okay, I just got through my last Thursday at work. Which is cool, because I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Anyway, it's all part of:

The Five Bullet Point Master Plan For Winning The Weight Bet
(And Subsequently Taking Over The World)

• Put on pounds prior to the weigh-in with "empty calories", which should be easier to get rid of than full ones.
• My own custom-designed dietary regimen, which I may call The South City Diet by the time I publish the book.
• Exercise, exercise, exercise. (note to self: find heaviest vodka bottle available)
• Learn to drink coffee as a substitute for the two liters of Dr. Pepper usually required to drag me to full consciousness.
• Take over the world. (This stage may need to be more fully developed later.)

So you see, Chilly, you simply don't stand a chance. This zero-carb + exercise machine = weight loss thing may work on TV, but I have a Master Plan.

And Bullet Points. Don't forget the Bullet Points.

Psst, BadBlood, I'll give you half my profit on the bet if you can convince Chilly to drink milkshakes instead of protein shakes. Waddaya think?

posted by Captain Freeman @ 11:15 PM